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Thursday 7 July 2011

A Singular Recipe for a Just Desert (the Earl of Arundel’s way)

Let your gut have lain in vinegar and brown paper half a day before you use it

Cast salt over one shoulder.
Well fricate and oil a calves’ cauldron.
Strike two tears to make fire.
Warm the horn of one devil ‘till hot.

Truss the bastard bird
and boil him by himself in fair water.
Put to him a worn thumb, a fat worm
the loose tooth of a horse and a peck of pepper.
Wring in the juice of half a Lemon.
Simper for three hours
till it come to a high past
that will not cleave.
‘Till it be enough.

Have a leer made for it.

When it is cold
pour away the black liquor that comes from it.
Take out the heart and dispose in seething water.

Mince or chop the flesh into little bits
- as small as grated bread - with half a pound of marrow.
(Be sure none of your lemon kernels be among your pie-meat).

With your hands stiff
work altogether like a pudding.

Divide the flesh up into forty pieces
as big as walnuts.

Toss them one or twice.
Put them into the gut.

Stand in a deep coffin
with fried garlic stuck upright lying on the walls.

Let it stay there a day and a night.

Take it out and open it.
Sauce with bitter moonshine

Serve your pie without a cover

Revenge is a dish
best served cold

© Sophia Roberts
All rights reserved

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